I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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