Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
