took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
