I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
