I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Randomize
