Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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