i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
