Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
