If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
