Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
