My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
