babies were throwing up all over the place
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize