he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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