can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she pinky promised me she was 18
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
