hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize