You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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