The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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