last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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