The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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