just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The power of my boobs compel you
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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