:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
