If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
