you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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