I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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