ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
