me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
