to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
