Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
That reminds me...we need to get swords
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
