I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If I die, sorry about rent.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
