R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
