You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
not ubering you a puppy
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize