That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
