My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
