I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
