You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
