I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
