just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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