I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize