Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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