they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
