Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
