So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize