Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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