I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
