Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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