Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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