I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
