I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
