I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
