What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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