where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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