Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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