WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
