I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
