Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
