why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
