thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
