I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
