Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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