id be glad to
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
