my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
