you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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