If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
