Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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