I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
they're like a gay fantastic four
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
