If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
