I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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