Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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