OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
