you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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