Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize