every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
