My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
