I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
operation have a gay friend backfired
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize