My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
