I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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