I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
