I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
