Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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