Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
