im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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