We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
