Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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