Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize