hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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