remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
