ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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