My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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