booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
