I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
