you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
