between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
