Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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