dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
