just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
