I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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