I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
