Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
