screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize