i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
