I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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