Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
