My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize