i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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