So drunk its hurt
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
4 words: hood of his car
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
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