am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
