I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
