I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize