My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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