No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
