first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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