hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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