Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
